And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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