If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
