The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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