Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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