Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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