I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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