you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
