HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Someone shattered a urinal.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...