I have demons in me.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?