also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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