3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
