so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
