Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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