I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
