He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
