yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
