I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
