I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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