I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
