Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
