She said her name was "party"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
