I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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