i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize