I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
