my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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