best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
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so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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