U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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