after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
