I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
