Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
