anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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