i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
