it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
