Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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