You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
