meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
