I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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