dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
