Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We left the knife in your bed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
