you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
