I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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