He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize