You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
