That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
