I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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