She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
