Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
