were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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