Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
