Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
