i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
