I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
