well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
