I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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