so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
