You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
