He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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