have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
