fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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