Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
