YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
